Last night I met up with my core friends and started putting together a 500-piece Thomas Kinkaid puzzle. Highlight of my week so far.
“Consent, like consciousness, is so much more than a switch that you can turn on or off.” This is a good piece on how consent is not a binary.
I guess someone had to say it: Yes, The Alt-Right Are Just a Bunch of Racists
“funny how ‘reactionaries’ pretend that they are reacting to anything instead of just upholding what’s been the shitty status quo forever.” -Meghan Kellison-Lords
I keep thinking about The Slut, The Witch, and the Solo Poly Woman.
I realized last night that everything I thought I would miss about being in a relationship was really just me being scared of doing it on my own. Making decisions alone, coming home alone, going to parties alone, sleeping alone. It turns out I love all of that! Now this is partly because I am not alone. I have far-flung partners who I can run life decisions by and who provide me with all the emotional support I need. I have people who care about what happened in my day.
The one thing I can’t get out of them or my friends, the one thing I miss, is sex/physical affection. That is just rough. Not that I can’t get that, but it’s different outside of an emotionally involved relationship. I miss so desperately the sex I used to have with the men I was in love with. I was married for four years and never had that kind of sex with him. I miss losing myself in it, no thought, no ego, no worry. I miss most acutely knowing what I was doing with my Saturday if there was nowhere we had to be. I miss wanting and being wanted.
I am currently less needy for the everything else in a relationship than ever before. I don’t need someone to help me move or kill spiders or ask me about my day or pay my bills or make sure I get home safely. I just want the fun parts. Sex and romance. Physical touch. Novel experiences. I don’t know why that’s so hard for me to find and keep. I think most of it is timing. I think I meet someone and they’re awesome so I ignore that they’re not looking for what I have to offer and they don’t have to offer what I’m looking for right now. I press on because they have all the right parts so if we could just figure out a way to align it’d be awesome.
I dunno man. I’m just over here trying to figure it out. I wouldn’t think I’d have to say it, but perhaps I do. I don’t know what the right way to do this is. I don’t actually believe in a right way. I think there are a lot of ways to get to a lot of cool places and different paths work for different people at different times. Poly, mono, straight, genderqueer, married, living in sin. Whatever. I don’t care. I can’t even say I support my own choices. I certainly can’t say you should do what I’m doing. In fact I’m fairly certain you shouldn’t do what I’m doing. Unless you want to be free and self-sufficient. And that’s pretty damn sweet, actually.