I love every bit of this! Esp this “That all might come off as overly pragmatic, even a little harsh. But being ethically non-monogamous requires muting some of the most seductive ideas we have about romantic love. Most of us like to think of it as a gaping chasm you are helplessly swept into, swooning. Certainly not an informed negotiation.”
And this: “The staying power of monogamy may lie in the moral pedestal we still place it on. One recent study of Americans’ perception of consensual non-monogamy found that we think people who are monogamous are better at paying their taxes on time, walking their dogs, flossing their teeth. Implicit monogamy clinched the movement for gay marriage: The Supreme Court decision waxed poetic about “the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice,” rather than going the more practical route of declaring marriage a civil right. A flexible attitude towards monogamy is a rebuke of some of the most satisfying lies we tell each other—that every time we fall in love it’s the last time, that true romance is totalizing, that some love is “good” and some is “bad.”
Damn. “The CIA quietly corrected its response to the Torture Report after it found that some of the accusations were true.” -Tim Mak
Yesterday I got super mad about this post: “With ‘Formation,’ Beyoncé exploits New Orleans’ trauma in the name of herself.” I angrily tweeted (me? I know) stuff like “Seems utterly ignorant of the purpose & history of art relative to injustice and oppression,” and “Letting the ‘traumatized’ censor artists means stripping art of its power to shine light on horror.”
For a second I felt solidarity with right-wing shitlords complaining about the delicate sensibilities of Tumblrinas who are too triggered to tolerate speech which might negatively impact their fragile moods. For a second. Then later I was lying in bed. I was having a long conversation with myself, which is normal for me but I wasn’t alone, which is less normal. Part of me wanted to work this out aloud, for my benefit and his. But it would have taken a lot of backstory and I don’t think most people want to hear about my emotional conflict over an article they haven’t read and probably shouldn’t read. Then again, this newsletter. So, who knows?
ANYWAY, laying in bed I felt empathy for the writer. Yes, she’s kind of a troll for shitting on Beyonce publicly right now. And I stand by what I said. But it’s also just so basic to shit on her. Like, this is her experience. These are her feelings. Yes, she wrote them poorly because she’s not a great writer. But I’ve certainly been there. Where she fucked up was in shitting on Beyonce, instead of just sharing her pain and letting go of trying to establish guilt. Which is exactly the mistake I continually make. I constantly shit on people as a way of saying I’m in pain. I’m angry when I am hurt.