Hello my loves and happy Monday. I want to apologize for failing to get a newsletter to you on Friday. I was in NYC, aka my favorite city, visiting two of my boyfriends. It was amazing and if you want photographic evidence check out my Instagram.
The best parts were dinner at Balthazar, a VIP Museum Hack tour of the Met, discovering American Two Shot randomly, staying at NOMO SOHO where the rooms look like what I’d decorate like if I could recreate my favorite Pinterest rooms, cocktails at the Ship, chicken and waffles at native Alabamian Amy Ruth’s in Harlem, and going into Burger King in Bed Stuy scary high and asking for a small fry, bottle of water, and bathroom key.
I have to say, it just galls me that in this day and age, people still exist who stop seeing a woman as a complete person the moment she talks about sex. From then on, everything she says or has ever said that’s not about sex is disregarded as unimportant, and talking about sex defines her.
There was one exchange, this this thread, which I found particularly illuminating.
Julie, responding to me: “I’ve seen a handful of libertarian women make their polyamorous lifestyle their identity within the movement. I would include you in that. The problem isn’t talking about sex. We’re adults. We do it, too. It’s when a woman becomes known within the libertarian movement for her sex life that she put on display rather than her commentary/intellect on libertarian issues.”
My response: “My identity is multifaceted and extends far beyond what I do with my vagina Julie Borowski. I’m ‘known’ among literate people as a writer who covers topics of power, including sex. That you can only see one aspect of me says more about you than I think you realize.”
Julie: “Well, alright, if that’s what you think people think about you.”
What’s funny/tragic about this is that what Julie is showing is that she’s even more sex-obsessed than I am. Which is impressive. For her, and people like her, writing about sex isn’t just writing about one more thing. It’s the thing that person writes about.
If someone writes about police abuse, overcrim, taxes, and sex, I can somehow see them as a complete person who covers a broad range of topics. To Julie, writing about sex defines a person. For her, it’s your sex life or your commentary/intellect. You cannot do both. You cannot be known for both. You must choose.
It’s a sad, small view of sex, and of intellect.
Truth be told, I think it’s sad I’m all upset about internet drama. But it honestly hurts my feelings to be reduced to my vagina, whether it’s an insecure girl doing it or a guy. Feminists go on and on about men objectifying women, but I’ve never been more objectified in my life than someone telling me that writing about sex invalidates all my other work.
It’s also emblematic of some real serious misogyny lingering in the culture.
Folks need to remember:
In sum, if boobs are the reason you’re not being taken seriously, the people who are deciding either need better criteria or you need better material. But no matter what, I assure you that the boobs are not the problem.
Love you all. Stay amazing. Links for your tomorrow.
Okay here’s one. As Igor said, it’s me as a baby.